All That I Love by Rachel Branton

Author:Rachel Branton [Branton, Rachel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Women’s fiction, Contemporary Romance
ISBN: 978-1-939203-84-7
Publisher: White Star Press
Published: 2017-09-25T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER

16

Diary of Mercedes Walker

July 17, 1995

I want to die, just plain die. This baby is growing, I can feel it, but I’m losing weight. I’ve been horribly sick. Part of me would like to simply lose enough weight to disappear forever, but I know this is a consequence I need to face. How could I have let myself love a man so much that I lost the very essence of myself? Now I understand how my mother was able to endure such treatment from my father.

Oh, Momma! I’m sorry! I didn’t realize before how awful life was for you. Even though I don’t agree with what you did, I forgive you. We are alike in this, but I will take your example and learn from it.

I’m determined to pull out of this and be myself again. But I don’t exactly know how to do that. Wayne once said I was stronger than my mother, and I’m trying to live up to his vision of me. I must pray for strength—and for forgiveness.

Daddy is worse each day. Not physically—he’s seemed to reach a plateau with his health where he doesn’t get worse or better—but he is secretive and verbally abusive. Wayne doesn’t even know about the baby, but he said yesterday that I should call or write a letter to Grandmother. He thinks I’d be better off living with her.

I’ve thought about moving to her house even without her being there, but I would miss my talks with Wayne. We keep each other good company. He rides with me sometimes in the evenings, and I’ve taken to bringing him lunch. It gives me something to look forward to besides lying here missing Brandon and feeling sorry for myself.

I can’t even think about the baby. The baby quilt is about half finished. I work on it very slowly. I want it to be perfect.

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